And Now for Something Completely Different

Peace Corps service doesn’t have to end after the typical 27 months. Some volunteers extend in their countries of service to work in the Peace Corps office or carry out special projects. Others may extend their service in other countries where their skills are transferrable. Some former volunteers even re-join the Peace Corps to perform short-term assignments in areas stricken by disasters. I have decided not to let my Peace Corps service end in Paraguay.

I didn’t want to mention my application to prolong my own Peace Corps service until I knew its outcome. But I’m in Asunción now and, having checked my mail, can say, “it’s official.” Here are copies of the two letters that I received:

15 July 2010

Dear Jacob,

Congratulations! On behalf of the Lunar Desk of the U.S. Peace Corps, I formally invite you to serve from January 2012 to January 2022 as a Lunar Peace Corps Volunteer (LPCV). We understand that making the choice to undertake LPC service is a tough one. But should you accept this invitation, I think you’ll find that your ten years on Luna comprise an opportunity for personal growth, enriching professional experience, and, of course, the chance to strengthen U.S.-Moon ties through intercultural exchange. We at the lunar desk feel confident that we are offering you the chance to live the LPCV motto: “the toughest job you will ever love…on the Moon.”

Enclosed is a brief outline of your LPCV service invitation. Recruiters and faceless functionaries at the Lunar Desk compiled this invitation just for you, personalizing it on the basis of a disjointed 30 minute-long Skype interview, your 23-page internet application, your medical exam, and a suite of lovingly optimized algorithms. Please read the prospectus carefully, complete the “check for learning” post-test in #2 pencil, and call or e-mail us to accept your invitation within 72 hours after first reading this document (we are watching).

Best wishes and see you on the Moon!

Cordially,

S. R. Martinez-Martinez, M.A.
Under-liaison of Recruiting
Lunar Desk
U.S. Peace Corps

Lunar Peace Corps Service

“The toughest job you’ll ever love…on the Moon!”

Dear Prospective Lunar Peace Corps Volunteer (PLPCV) Jacob,

You may be excited to read this letter, but take a minute to imagine how I feel writing it. My Peace Corps journey began 12 years ago, when I was a Pastry Extension volunteer serving in Bhutan. After thousands of croissants and 17 months of cohabitation with a yak, I returned to the States and said “yes” to the joys of a career in the Washington-based Peace Corps bureaucracy. It was seven months ago that President Barack Obama personally tapped me to serve as the first Planetary Director (PD) of the LPC. At this moment, I am strapped in and preparing for blast-off into the future of the U.S. Peace Corps.

As part of our first cohort of LPCVs, you will be serving alongside 23 carefully selected (I’ll bet you didn’t have to give blood samples when you applied for terrestrial Peace Corps service!), young men and women. Each of you will have been invited on the basis of outstanding technical skills, the willingness to learn about lunar culture and languages (or the lack thereof), and the psychological mettle required to stand 10 years of almost constant isolation and aesthetic sterility. I will, naturally, serve alongside you as your PD, but the support doesn’t end there. Our central office, located at the core of Base Camp I, will feature an ample staff: two carefully chosen Assistant Planetary Directors (APDs); a full-fledged Peace Corps Medical Office (PCMO); a sassy but wise recreation coordinator; and a team of dedicated clerical, security, and maintenance robots.

During the congressional hearings that authorized the multi-billion dollar budget for the LPC, our supporters fielded a number of questions that continue to come up as PLPCVs talk to their families, friends, and lovers about their upcoming 120 months on Earth’s largest natural satellite. “Isn’t the Moon uninhabited?” “Can idealistic young people with liberal arts degrees really make a difference on the Moon?” “Is this really what the U.S. Peace Corps is all about?” We promise that the information offered below will answer these questions as well as igniting your passion for what one U.S. House Majority Leader called “space exploration meets diplomacy beyond America’s borders: a most bizarre yet strangely appealing mixture of two of President John F. Kennedy’s visions for the future.”

LPC Sector Descriptions

1. Environment
Sustainability is the new War on Terror and Congress insisted that environmental concerns constitute one of the two pillars of initial LPC programming. And with no atmosphere, soil organic matter (or soil!), or native (or exotic!) biodiversity, the Moon is arguably a better locus for environmental work than anywhere on Earth! “Atmosphere Development” volunteers will focus on small-scale, community-based projects designed to build an atmosphere that retains greenhouse gases and excludes ultraviolet light while “Biological Extension” volunteers will work with interstellar NGOs to jumpstart pedogenic and evolutionary processes alike. But Sustainability isn’t all about science; our experiences on Earth have proven that economics and culture play a role, too. Thus, “Sustainable Development” volunteers will cultivate ecotourism and green business opportunities for terrestrial markets.

2. Education
Yes, the moon is uninhabited. But even in totally inappropriate settings, education, especially of children, is the cornerstone of development work. “Distance Learning” volunteers will use the telecommunications nexus available at Base Camp XIIb to provide classes in conversational English, cooking with soy, typing, basic bookkeeping, HIV/AIDS awareness, and small business development to audiences in upwards of five neighboring solar systems. Meanwhile, “Early Childhood Education” volunteers will work with the offspring produced by the first cohort of LPCVs to craft the basis of a utopian society based on Skinnerian psychological principles and the recently revised FDA “Food Pyramid.”

Your project assignment will be Biological Extension.
Your community contact will be: "Rufus," AKA γ-Class Incubator Robot #484 (specialties: real-time Polymerase Chain Reactions and binary haikus)

Life on the Moon

Technical Training. Bamboo, salvaged nails, and cow feces constitute the higher-technology elements of the development projects that many terrestrial PCVs undertake. Obviously, pre-insertion technical training will be necessary for LPCVs. Inspired by repeat viewings of The Matrix, we have partnered with the NIH to install a digital input/output jack into the nape of every future LPCV. Through this new orifice, you will receive training in Participatory Analysis for Community Action (PACA) tools, basic robot languages, zero-gravity construction, cooking with dehydrated ingredients, and organic moon gardening (one of the upsides of the moon’s paucity of life is…the corresponding absence of garden pests!).

Moving In. In keeping with our commitment to immersion in local communities, we have scheduled orbital insertions of each volunteer in one of 24 beautiful lunar valleys, ridges, deserts, and antipodal wastelands. You will be required to locate and live with host families for the first three months of LPC service – just like your terrestrial counterparts. Finding them will be the first challenge of your LPC tenure!

Volunteer Behavior. First and foremost, LPCVs will be development professionals. This means keeping your spacesuit clean and presentable, avoiding airlock breaches, and remembering that while updating your blog through your neck jack may be fun, it doesn’t get us any closer to building the first lunar troposphere. On the topic of professionalism, we do expect some fraternization among volunteers to occur. Indeed, it’s no coincidence that each LPCV will be a fertile male or female between the ages of 19 and 25 with no medically detectable physical infirmities. However, though we cannot, per the United Galaxies Declaration of (Non-)Human Rights, forbid you from becoming involved with visiting Martians and/or Venusians (depending on your sexual orientation), we discourage it. Half-human offspring, no matter how adorable or freighted with hope for the future of all races, will be sent to Earth to be raised by celebrities.

In Conclusion

On behalf of the whole LPC office and the Washington Lunar Desk, I ask you to think about the previous 10 years of your life on Earth and compare them to what the next 10 years of your life could be…on the Moon. Seeding a hostile environment with life. Passing months without seeing another human being. Learning about lunar cultures (or at least robots) and sharing our American culture with them.

Lunar Peace Corps: the toughest job you’ll ever love…on the Moon! We’re waiting for you, Jacob. See you on the Moon!

Celestially,

B.Z. Jaspers, L.M.T.
Planetary Director, Earth’s Moon
U.S. Peace Corps

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Note: The gentle parody above reflects my twisted sensibilities and underlying love for the U.S. Peace Corps alone and, like the rest of this blog, does not reflect the policies or attitudes of the terrestrial or lunar U.S. Peace Corps.